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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Klaus: There was a very famous Jewish girl who kept a diary. It ended badly. But enough about Fran Drescher. Ha ha! You thought I was making a Holocaust joke. Shame on you!

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Stan: Oh, I... I don't know what to say.
Roger: Uh, you could say you have a whole new appreciation for how tough it is to be me.
Stan: There's something you should know about me by now, Roger. I don't learn lessons.

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Stan: (Watching The $100,000 Pyramid) This is what Roger does? He just sits here and watches this crap all day? What am I missing?
Klaus: An elevated blood-alcohol content.
(Scene changes)
Stan: (Drunk) Things you eat. Things that are fruit. Oh, oh, things you peel! Ah, I'm halfway up the pyramid.
Klaus: You're watching The Price is Right.
Stan: Shut up, Hayley!

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Klaus: If that were a real Wish Bowl, it would be in the Ferrari of a 600-year-old Incan on the way to his job as Jessica Alba's G-string.

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Francine: Hey, Stan, now that you're stuck at home, I could really use your input on redecorating the living room.
Stan: Francine, the court order says I'm not allowed to leave the house. It doesn't say I have to give a crap about what it looks like.

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Roger: (After crashing into another car) Cops already? What, are we next door to a freakin' Krispy Kreme?
Stan: You're thinking about donuts now?
Roger: No, I'm just saying the cops got here fast.
Stan: What the hell do fast cops have to do with a Krispy Kreme?
Roger: Because cops love donuts!
Stan: You're not making any sense!

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Doyle: So, your boss was pretty steamed, huh?
Stan: You wouldn't believe the way he tore into me, Doyle. I mean, worse than the roughest gay porno you ever had to do to pay off your gambling losses at the Bellagio.
Doyle: (laughs nervously) What?
Stan: Yeah, you've got quite the back story, don't you?

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Klaus: Speaking of killing, do you know what the French call an orgasm? "The little death." It harks back to the Middle Ages when only midgets were allowed to have orgasms. It's true. Read the Bible.
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