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Funny Quotes From American Dad ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Page 9 - Page 10 - Page 11 - Page 12 - Page 13 - Page 14 Page 15 - Page 16 - Page 17 - Page 18 - Page 19 Page 20 - Page 21 - Page 22 - Page 23 - Page 24 - Page 25 - Page 26 Page 27 - Page 28 - Page 29 - Page 30 - Page 31 - Page 32 - Page 33 Page 34 - Page 35 - Page 36 - Page 37 - Page 38 - Page 39 - Page 40 Page 41 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ (In Principal's Lewis' office) Stan: (To Francine) These academics are expert at using mind games to implant their liberal agendas. I've dealt with them before, so leave the talking to me. Principal Lewis: (Enters his office) Good, you're both here. Stan: And you're both here. Principal Lewis: I understand there's a problem. Stan: I understand there's a solution. Principal Lewis: Mr. Smith, you're not making sense. Stan: Playing the race card already? (To Francine) I've got him on the ropes. Francine: Thank you for seeing us, Principal Lewis. My husband is just a teeny bit concerned that Steve may not be ready for sex education. Stan: That's right! My wife didn't spend 36 hours squeezing Steve from her birth canal so you could shove his face right back in there! Stan: Okay, now that the square is gone, we can really rap. So, what do you need to know? Steve: Um, everything, I guess. I talk a big game, but I actually know very little about sex. Stan: Well, you don't have to worry about it because you're not having it. Steve: Oh, but I guess I just thought I should know... Stan: You don't need to know! That's the beautiful mystery of sex. Steve: Well, I guess not, but I... Stan: See, if I tell you about it, it won't be a mystery. It'll just be a fact, an ugly, moist fact, squatting on your brain like an octopus. And you don't want an octopus squatting on your brain, do you, son? Steve: No. Stan: And that's where babies come from. (Steve sees Stan & Francine making out on the kitchen table) Stan: Uh, Steve! Steve: Is this a bad time? Stan: No, no. I-I was just, uh, buffing the table with your mother. Francine: (Pouring ice on Stan) Well, luckily, it's only a minor injury. Stan: Minor? I doubt we'd be calling it minor if it was your wee-wee. Steve: Here's your prescription, dad. Stan: Finally. The burn ointment. (Reads prescription aloud) "Apply to affected area." Why can't they write these things in English?! Everybody out! I'm calling the CIA doctor. Dr. Grossbard: (On phone with Stan) Smith, I'm elbow-deep inside the Vice President’s chest. This better be important. Stan: Vital. How do you use ointment? Dr. Grossbard: (On phone with Stan) Oh, just take a large gob and apply it directly to the affected area. Stan: Oh. Okay, but… the affected area is my, a... Nurse: (In OR with Doctor) Doctor, the aorta has ruptured! Dr. Grossbard: (In response to nurse) Clamp on to it with both hands! Stan: Okay... but to do that I'm gonna have to put you on speakerphone. Nurse: (In OR with Doctor) Doctor! The artery is retracting! Dr. Grossbard: (In response to nurse) Pull on it! Pull with all your might! Stan: I-I feel weird. Maybe I should stop. Dr. Grossbard: (In response to Cheney flat-lining) Don't quit on me now, you son of a bitch! Keep pumping! Stan: But I'm... I'm... (Yells loudly, as he reaches climax) (After an avalanche covers them in snow again) Moose #1: Why do we keep grazing here? Moose #2: I don't know. I do not know. Steve: Dad! There you are. Stan: Of course I'm here. W-Where would I be? Alone, touching myself? Steve: Yeah, right. Only perverts and Democrats do that. Stan: (Laughs) Well said, soldier. Steve: I just want to say how sorry I am. And I hope this experience will bring us even closer together. Stan: Of course it will. Now, get out. (Closes bathroom door) Roger: Welcome to Roger's Place. What's your poison? Hayley: All right, I'll have a Cosmopolitan. Roger: A Cosmo for the lady who changed my life. Just need to see some ID. Hayley: (Laughs) Okay, here you go. Roger: Yeah, this is clearly fake. I'm going to have to confiscate this... Dr. Ernestine Chow. Hayley: But I need that to get into bars. Roger: Uh-huh. I could lose my license. Hayley: What license? You're an alien! This is make-believe in our attic. Roger: (Pulls out a big bat) We gonna have a problem? Roger & Klaus: Francine! Roger: Good to see you, Mrs. S. You just missed happy hour, but we may still have some crab cakes. Miguel, tenemos crab cakes?! Francine: I don't want any crab cakes. Roger: Good, because there's no Miguel or crab cakes. |
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