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Funny Quotes From American Dad
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Stan: God, please watch over the soul of this dead dog and carry him up to heaven... because he sure as hell can't walk... he's dead. Amen.

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Stan: Hilary, look out for the mines! (Explosion) What did I just say? You heard me. What did I just say?
Steve: You said, "Look out for the mines."
Stan: I said, "Look out for the mines."

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Steve: Bobby, get over here, I want my Shazzam shirt dry cleaned and pressed by third period. Oh, and another thing, all periods will now be called Steves.
(Shift to a classroom scene)
Boy #1: (To another boy) Hey, I'm thinking of cutting third Steve, you in?
Boy #2: Yeah, as long as I'm back by fourth Steve.
Teacher: (To class) So, if it's a statement, it should always be followed by a Steve.
Girl: Mr. Phillips, may I be excused? I'm having my Steve.

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Steve: This is it. I have absolute power. (Over intercom) Doris, could you please send in our high school mascot? (Man dressed in a buffalo costume comes in) Welcome, buffalo. As you must've heard, I have been elected student body President. As such, I can do anything I want... and I want to ride the buffalo! (Steve jumps on mascot's back) Woo hoo hoo!!
Buffalo: MOOOO!!!! (Destroys everything in the office)
Steve: Yes, yes! I'm riding the buffalo! (Buffalo falls, Steve gets off, Doris comes in) Now, send in the lunch lady.

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Principal Lewis: Smith! What's the meaning of this?!
Steve: Principal Lewis, I am taking your office. Pursuant to Pearl Bailey High Statuete 39-F, quote, "The Student Body President can acquisition any room on school premesis for the purpose of conducting school business."
Principal Lewis: You can read! The school system works! (Dejectedly) I'll be back for my stuff.

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Roger: By the way, Haley, oh my God, these Chocodiles, these Chocodiles Haley, oh my God, these Chocodiles, oh my God!

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Hayley: (To Stan) You know, Steve's dog would still be alive if you right-wing lunatics would agree to gun control.
Stan: You know what I have to say to that? (Pause) Ah, I thought I was gonna fart.

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Hayley: Oh my God. Dad, why is Hilary Duff in our house?
Stan: Hilary is here of her own free will because she wants to have dinner with Steve.
Steve: Hilary, could you pass the salt?
Stan: (Holding gun to her head) Pass him the salt.
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