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Funny Quotes From The Simpsons
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BART: You know why these clothes are on sale, Mom? Because the kids who wear them get beaten up.
MARGE: Well, anyone who beats you up for wearing a shirt isn't your friend.

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HOMER: Son, about last night. You might've noticed Daddy acting a little strange and you probably don't understand why.
BART: I understand why. You were wasted.

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MARGE: Believe me, honey. She's more scared of you than you are of her.
LISA: You're thinking of bears, mom.

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HOMER: That Timmy is a real hero!
LISA: How do you mean, Dad?
HOMER: Well, he fell down a well, and... he can't get out.
LISA: How does that make him a hero?
HOMER: Well, that's more than you did!

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BART: Hey Homer, this house sucks!
HOMER: Bart, I told you to never use that word! Call me Daddy.

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NUMBER ONE: And now for a meeting of the ancient mystic society of... No Homers!

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HOMER: What kind of name is that, Number One? Ooh, look at me, my name is Number One!

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LISA: Dad, this is misrepresentation. You can't prove that that is actually an angel.
HOMER: Lisa, if you'll look closely, you'll notice that I never once used the word "angel."
LISA: What about that sign? (points to a handwritten sign that says "Angel")
HOMER: That's a typo. SIDESHOW BOB: Who is that? Why, it's Bart Simpson! Hello, Bart! (to Cecil) He's just a little shy because I've tried to kill him so many times.

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ABE SIMPSON: Hello? Hello! You have my pills! Hello? I'm cold, and there are wolves after me.

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LISA: Excuse me, don't you have anything that doesn't have meat in it?
LUNCH LADY DORIS: Possibly the meatloaf.
LISA: I think you're required to offer a vegetarian alternative.
LUNCH LADY DORIS (handing Lisa a plain bun): Yum. It's full of bunly goodness.
LISA: Do you remember when you lost your passion for this work?

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LISA: You don't have the intelligence to rig an election by yourself, do you?
BART: You were just Barlow's lackey.
LISA: You were Ronny to his Nancy!
BART:Sonny to his Cher!
LISA: Ringo to his rest of the Beatles!

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SIDESHOW BOB: I'm presently incarcerated. Convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. Hah! "Attempted murder"? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?

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REVEREND LOVEJOY: Dearly beloved, I will now read the special vows which Homer has prepared for this occasion. Do you Marge take Homer in richness and poorness, poorness is underlined, in impotence and im-potence, in quiet solitude or blasting across the alkali flats in a jet powered monkey navigated... and it goes on like this.

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ABE SIMPSON: The story of the Simpson family began in the Old Country. I forget which one exactly. My dad would drone on and on about America. He thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread, sliced bread having been invented the previous winter.

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LAWYER: But what about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say, "Die Bart, Die?"
SIDESHOW BOB: No, that's German for "The Bart, the."
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