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Funny Quotes From The Simpsons
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MULDER: Look at this, Scully: there has been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.
SCULLY: Well, gee Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
MULDER: I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.

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HOMER: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, it would explode. I think it was called... The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.

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LISA: Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon.

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MR. BURNS: Smithers, why didn't you tell me about this market crash!
SMITHERS: Um, well, sir... it happened twenty-five years before I was born.
MR. BURNS: Oh, that's your excuse for everything!

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HOMER: God is teasing me! Just like he teased Moses in the desert!
MARGE: Tested, Homer. God tested Moses.

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LISA: I'm studying for the math fair. If I win, I'll get a brand new protractor.
HOMER: Too bad we don't live on a farm.

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DEALER: Nineteen.
HOMER: Hit me!
DEALER: Twenty.
HOMER: Hit me!
DEALER: Twenty-one.
HOMER: Hit me!
DEALER: Twenty-two.
HOMER: D'oh!

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CHIEF WIGGUM: Oh, man, what a day. It's no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and family like so many juggling balls... two, I suppose.
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