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Funny Quotes From My Name Is Earl ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Earl: I was gonna focus on quitting smoking. But it turns out quitting smoking is stressful. And when I'm stressed-out, I smoke. Earl: Donny Jones! Hey buddy we should uh catch up sometimes. You know, when I don’t have to, or now Earl: [voiceover] Have you ever heard the expression crazy eyes, well Donny had them Donny Jones: Earl Hicky Earl: Donny Jones Donny Jones: You look good Earl: You look good, look real good. What are those new pants? Donny Jones: Nah I had them for a while Earl: But still look new nice crease, I should get me a pair of those. Hard to find good pants Ha-ha Donny Jones: So your brother and that little Mexican lady told me that you wanna talk to me about some sort of list Earl: Did they now? All right good yeah, they can be very helpful. All right here is the deal Donny. I am on uh kind of uh mission. Wow these are long, and sharp huh Donny Jones: Their my mom's, She likes to knit Earl: Good for you sweet heart, Nice to have a hobby. Any way uh Donny, I’ve recently discovered karma, and I’ve written a list of all the bad things I’ve done in my life and I am trying to make up for them Donny Jones: I’ve got now what you're going with that earl. Earl: You do? Donny Jones: Yeah! you had awakening same thing happening to me in the joint when I found Jesus Earl: Wow Donny Jones: nice huh? I also got Moses partin' the Red Sea on my bottom, you wanna see that? Earl: No no may maybe later Donny: (Showing Earl the large cross with Jesus on it tatooed across his chest) Nice, HUH? (pauses) I also got Moses partin' the Red Sea on my bottom, wanna see that? (gets up, moving to drop trousers) Earl: (emphatically)No, no, maybe later... Joy: (puts a gun on the counter)I'll take this. Gun Store Owner: There's a three day waiting period for guns. Joy: Three, my ass. Fine. What can I walk out with today that can kill somebody? Gun Store Owner: Anything in aisle four. Earl: [voiceover] Quittin' smokin' is kinda like going to prison. If you can get through the first three days, you got a fighting chance. First we tried the tapes, then we tried the patches. Someone told us to try carrot sticks as a subsitute, but we couldn't get the damn things to light. (Talking about the poisoned cookies) Earl: Those are poisoned. Randy: How poisoned? Catalina: This is the sweetest, most justified kidnapping I've ever seen. Randy: How many have you seen? Catalina: Five or so. (Dirk faked his death to break up with Natalie as well) Earl: You faked your death too?! Dirk: Yeah, thanks for the idea! I swear, I was about to paper-mache myself a noose and hang myself at a picnic! |
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